Letter to my Soul

January 25, 2009 · Filed Under renewing our mind · 2 Comments 

I just finished writing a letter to my soul. That may sound odd at first, but there are a couple of reasons why I’m doing this:

1. It’s scriptural

King David often talked to his soul. Psalms 42 is a good example of this:

    Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. (Psalms 42:5)

I also think of Mary, the mother of Jesus, when she learned that she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit, she talks about her soul in the third person:

    My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior (Luke 1:46-47).

I find a few occasions in the Bible where Godly people would talk to their soul or about their soul in the third person. I realized this past week that my soul needed some talking to.

2. Our souls have a mind of their own it seems

There have been times when I was tempted and gave in, and it felt like my soul just took over. I would be right in the middle of the sin, and I felt like I was on the outside, watching myself make this absolutely wrong decisions but deep down not wanting to do it, yet still doing it.

Talking to my soul

So, I decided to have a talk with my soul, to write a letter to it. I started to realize that it is through my soul that many of my decisions are being made, and I don’t believe that’s the way God intended.

Your soul is your mind, will and emotions. It’s your memories, your choices and your perspective on life. We humans often interpret the world around us through our soul.

Initially, you would think this is normal, that this is the way God intended. The problem is that our soul is often wounded, bruised and deeply hurt, and instinctively, we cope or compensate or build walls in our heart about how we make decisions.

For example, maybe a close friend or relative hurts you deeply, and you immediately vow to yourself, I will never let that happen to me again. So, you start building walls in your soul to keep that from happening again. You refuse to trust at a deep level, or maybe you limit new relationships to just superficial ones, never letting anyone close to you. Your God-embedded need for deep relationships now suffers, and you begin to search out unhealthy relationships to compensate.

Unhealed wounds, patterns of thinking, lifelong habits, and strongholds all affect how we make decisions. And our soul is not supposed to be our master. That’s why David told his soul, “Why are you so disturbed, soul? Put your hope on God. Stop trusting in yourself.”

We are commanded by God to change the way we think.

    “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.” Romans 12:2, NLT.
    “Since you have heard all about him and have learned the truth that is in Jesus, throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God’s likeness–righteous, holy, and true.” Ephesians 4:21-24, NLT.

It’s time to let my God-birthed spirit rise up and take control of those areas in my soul that have been wounded, confused and making poor choices. It’s time for you, soul, to surrender.

The Letter

Dear Soul,

Far too long, my soul, you have made decisions for me, and most of those decisions have been to just satisfy yourself, or some gaping wounds you’re trying to fill. No more. No more decisions. No more following your fleshly, carnal demands. It’s time you are denied your demands. Kick and scream all you want, but I’m not listening nor obeying you anymore.

Soul, your destructive motivation have been revealed. I see this now in Romans 7:18-19, I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

This is my version: I—the alive, reborn spirit of Russ—desires to do what is good, but my soul hinders me from carrying it out. For what my soul acts upon is not the good my spirit longs to do. No. The evil that my spirit cringes at is the evil my soul screams to do.

Soul, you’re finished. By the authority of Jesus Christ, I command you to submit to my spirit—the spirit that is alive in Christ through the power of God’s Holy Spirit.

If Jesus can resist sin even unto the point of shedding blood (Hebrews 12:4), then surely my soul can be denied is sinful ways, because “the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead inside of me” (Ephesians 1:19-20).

My Character

Soul, for too long, you’ve taken the easy way out. You’ve avoided conflict. Something in you has driven you to not stand against issues that need to be resisted, even to the point of compromise, peer pressure and undesired submission. Instead of facing problems, soul, you bury them, stuff them and then numb them when they try to get out. No longer. I will take whatever stand my spirit calls me to stand against, facing adversity with God’s strength. Guided by the God’s Holy Spirit, my spirit will now take the lead, make decisions and responding to God.

Far too long, my soul, you have given in to escape. When difficulties arise, you run to fleshly escapes. And in doing so, you quench all opportunities for growth, for character development, for hope.

    We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us (Romans 5:3-5).

Soul, because you operate in this escape mentality that is so pervasive in our culture today, you have diminished my opportunity to grow in character and in hope. No longer. Through my experience with fear and panic and the ability to persevere through trusting in God, I was able to grow with incredible depth of character. But in these other fleshly areas, you no longer will drive me to escape. I will consciously be watching for your attempts to escape, and I will stop you. I will face whatever adversity comes my way by standing strong, firm and established in God.

I will grow in character, my soul, despite your attempts to escape. Soul, you are no longer in control.

Sincerely,

The reborn,
Christ-filled,
spirit of Russ

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Disappointed with God

January 15, 2009 · Filed Under general · 4 Comments 

I wonder sometimes if I’m disappointed with God. It’s not an outward shaking of my fist, “God, I’m disappointed with you.” No, it’s more of a quiet, inner gnawing where my thoughts drift to God’s intentions for me. God, are you really guiding me?

I know he loves me. I don’t question that. But, I wonder at times if he is really guiding my steps and ordering my path in life. Is he really moving me to the place where I need to be in life? Is this “Journey with God” my leading or his?

For some, this is not a big issue, but there is within me this deep need to walk with purpose in life. One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 9:26, “I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step.” I know it’s God’s desire for me to walk with purpose, but the harder I press in to really understand this, the quieter heaven becomes, or so it seems.

I find myself disappointed. I spent the past month pressing into God to hear what he has planned for me this year. At first, I was disappointed at myself for not having sought God enough. Then, that underlying gnawing started to arise in me. God, you’re all powerful and all knowing. Surely, you can make my purpose known to me. That’s not a hard thing. I know it’s what you want. Nothing. Then, the disappointment started.

Lately, I’ve been talking to some people about the promises of God. One lady in particular has been waiting years for an answered prayer. I can hear in her words how the passing of years have become terribly discouraging. Her soul is wounded and bleeding, unhealed. It manifests in tears and unspoken disappointment.

Maybe you are disappointed with God. I know there are times that I’ve been disappointed. How do you respond?

First, God knows everything. He knows your thoughts. He created your inmost being. He knows you better than you know yourself. Maybe you’re disappointed and haven’t really admitted it to God. Maybe you’re afraid to admit it. Don’t be. God wants us to talk to him in all honesty. We must worship him in spirit and it truth. So, be honest with him. Or at least, be willing to be honest. Tell him how you really feel.

Next, let God show you if you are disappointed at him. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve stuffed all of this disappointment with God, because “it would be sin to be disappointed with God.” That’s okay—all of our sin has been dealt with on the Cross. Maybe God wants to help you through this disappointment so that this wound can be treated properly and healed. Let him show you. Let him be the Great Physician he is.

I believe there are many believers who have some unspoken disappointment with God. An unanswered prayer. A delayed promise. A difficult situation.

Even deeper, there are some believers who don’t even know or admit that they are disappointed with God. Out of pride or fear or a “religious” upbringing, they won’t admit in their hearts that they are disappointed with God. They bury it, hide it, maybe even numb it so that they don’t have to admit what they think would be a sin.

Why don’t you ask him? “Father, am I disappointed with you in anyway? Have I buried any disappointment with you and don’t acknowledge it? Through Holy Spirit, show me. Help me know the truth.”

Jesus said to the people who believed in him,“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

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God, am I good enough?

January 7, 2009 · Filed Under accepted by God, spiritual hearing · Comment 

To kick off the New Year, my family and I often fast and pray to dedicate the first few days to the Lord, and allow him to speak to us. We fast certain things, like food and/or television, and we read scripture.

This year, my wife and son devoted the first Monday of 2009 to this special time. For me, I wanted to set aside three days to press in and really seek the Lord about this new season in our lives.

Today is that third and final day of my special time with the Lord, and I must say, I’m mad! Seething and frustrated, fighting some intense anger.

Where did this come from? It’s the most bizarre feeling I’ve felt in a long time. My wife said this morning, “No more fasting for you–you’re been a butt the last three days.” Okay, she didn’t say “butt”–it was a nicer word, but it’s true. For some odd reason, I’ve spent my last three days frustrated and angry.

Father, why has this fast has been so hard, so frustrating, so anger-provoking? It just seems like everything has been so easily triggering anger and frustration in me. Lord, I do feel like there is a considerable amount of frustration in me. I’m not sure where it’s coming from.

Lord, what is this?

Son, this fast is allowing elements of your soul to surface. Yes, there is an anger inside of you, and it’s trying to get out. You have stuffed a lot of anger issues. You’ve taken the passive, non-conflict position most of your life, and because of that, it’s created these dark areas of your soul. You know you have it. Most men do. It’s a deep-rooted anger that was never dealt with in a healthy way.

Well, I know the answer isn’t for me to have some sort of outburst, I know that. What is it, Lord? How do I manage the anger, and deal with it like I should? Jesus went through the temples with a whip and started scattering people. There was anger, but a holy anger. I’m not sure there’s any holiness in my anger. Doesn’t feel like it.

Father, I’m just frustrated. It just feels like a fitting end to my fast—frustration. I don’t get it, Father. What’s manifesting? What’s coming out? What’s driving this?

Lack of fulfillment, son. You just don’t feel fulfilled. You are empty in many areas of your soul. You have worked for years in corporate America, and during that time, you so desperately sought affirmation and fulfillment. So, you threw yourself into projects and were the most drawing people pleaser. People liked you and you did well. There was great favor.

But, in all that you’ve done, there has been no fulfillment.

What about the movie project the last two years?

There were traces of fulfillment, but it was more about validation and affirmation. It was more external. The validation and affirmation came from the outside, from people. It felt like fulfillment, but it wasn’t true fulfillment.

Lord, I really felt a sense of accomplishment, goal achievement and satisfaction work on my big project last year. It was a goal and I achieved it with good, solid results. It felt good. I felt fulfilled.

Son, it was temporary. It’s passed and now you are back to feeling unfulfilled. You’re back to step one, seeking for something to fill your soul.

So, Lord, then how do I become fulfilled? What fulfills me?

    ful•fill: to be good enough or of the type necessary to meet a standard or requirement

To be good enough. To meet a standard or requirement.

That’s it. Lord, I don’t feel like I meet your standards. Father, I am not fulfilled, I am not confirmed as meeting a standard, a requirement. I don’t feel good enough.

Son, you are good enough. In Christ, you meet all of my requirements. All of them.

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Quiet time with God for the New Year

January 1, 2009 · Filed Under spiritual hearing · Comment 

It’s January 1, 2009–the start of a new year. It’s often a time when people set new goals and resolutions. Often, Christians will start a new Bible reading plan. Maybe it’s to read through the entire Bible in a year, or maybe it’s to read the New Testament in a year.

There are a variety of Bible reading plans out there. Here are a few:

Also, it’s a good time to get into a new habit of spending daily time with God through journaling and meditating on God’s word.

Our church recently gave its members a new prayer journal called Conversations with God. (You can download the PDF from this link.) It encourages people to start journaling and dedicating time each day to meeting with God. I believe this is essential in your walk with God. It has been a pivotal experience for me in my journey. In fact, this blog is a direct result and expression of that daily experience with God.

Tom Lane lays out the structure for his daily connect time with God:

  • Scripture Reading
  • Scripture Meditation
  • Journal
    • Praise and Thanksgiving
    • Commitment and Surrender
    • Needs and Requests
    • Blessing
    • What is God saying to me?

To give you an exmaple of what this format would look like, I decided to post my January 1, 2009 journal entry.

Scripture Reading

Matthew 1 (reading through the New Testament in 2009)

Scripture Meditation

Each year, I have a scripture for the year. For 2009, it’s Philippians 3:12-14:

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven” (Philippians 3:12-14).

You can also use a scripture that you read in your daily reading program.

Journal: Praise and Thanksgiving

Lord, I am so utterly grateful and thankful for you. So much. So, so much. You have done great and mighty things in my life. And, I so appreciate that. It’s truly wonderful, Father. Truly. Lord, the anticipation of what you’re wanting to do in my life, in my family’s lives gets my heart pounding and my mind spinning. So many wonderful things!

Father, thank you. Thank you that I don’t have to live this life alone, clueless, directionless, protection-less. You are there to guide me, to watch over me, to protect me, to save me. You keep my feet from stepping into danger. You guide my thoughts and guide me down the safe path. My roots go down deep into you, and I trust you. You are my life.

Thank you, Father!

Journal: Commitment and Surrender

In today’s “Reminders from God”, there is a great message from the “Two Listeners”. About the New Year, it says, “I hold the year in My Hands in trust for you. But I shall guide you one day at a time. Each day I supply the wisdom and the strength.”

This is a good message. I know this is what you would say to me, Father. You hold the New Year in your hands, and you shall guide me one day at a time, with each day having its own wisdom and strength for that day.

Lord, show me that. Please remind me. Help me remember that, in Jesus’ name!

Lord, I am yours. You are mine.

Journal: Needs and Requests

It’s Thursday morning, a new day, a new morning, a new year, a new month. So many new things. New dreams, new expectations, new seasons. New rhythms, new cycles, new projects, new clients, new opportunities, new friends, new movies, new partners, new productions.

I love the new year. Lord, why is it that I find this new year so exciting? It seems like I’m so driven by achievement, and that I like to achieve and accomplish things. I’m usually not this driven, but I sense that there is something big on the horizon, something exciting! I don’t know what you’re doing, but there’s something there. Something!

Father, guide me into this new year. Show me what you have planned for me and my family. Let your Spirit guide us. Help us to walk with purpose in every step, and to run towards the goal, striving, reaching, persevering. Give us wisdom and strength. Help us draw closer to you because you will be our source.

Journal: Blessings

Lord, I bless my family today. I bless my wife and my son. I bless their health, their minds, their bodies. I bless them with strength and authority. I bless them with wisdom to guide them through this year. I bless them with Godly protection, and a hedge of protection to surround them and keep them safe.

I bless my business. I bless it with exciting, successful projects this year. I bless it with new clients and new projects from current clients. I bless it with financial wisdom, creative ideas, efficient projects, and a team of creative, honest, hard-working people.

I bless all of my new projects this year. I bless the movies, the webisodes, the commercials, the documentaries, the testimonies, the websites, the marketing campaigns and all the new projects that haven’t even crossed my mind yet.

I bless my clients and their business. Grow them. Help them succeed in this down market. Bring them good, solid business, new clients, brilliant employees, new contracts and prosperity.

Journal: What is God saying to me?

Son, I really want you to know that your past is past. The sins are gone. They were gone the day you received Christ into your heart. Cleanse your mind, your thoughts, and wash away the trash that hinders you. Know this, son, I am fighting for you. I am fighting to bless you, to bless your family, to grow your business, to make all your projects a success. Know that, son. Know that I am for you, with you, watching you, guiding you.

The key is that you need to listen. When you do your own thing without consulting me, then I can’t help you. I want to, but I can’t. You have to let me in, you have seek me, you have to seek my counsel based on the rules I have laid down, but when you do, my son, there is great power at your fingertips. Great power! The kind of power that can unleash heavenly angels into the earth for great and mighty things, son.

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