Checked out

October 28, 2008 · Filed Under purpose/destiny, spiritual hearing · Comment 

This morning, I awoke to the voice of God. You must be thinking, How wonderful! Not really. It was more of a rebuke, a warning. Here’s what I heard: “Son, you’ve checked out.” And, I knew exactly what he was referring to.

You see, there’s this little area of my soul that I am still struggling to get ahold of. I say “little” because lots of Christians today wouldn’t even classify it as sin. Yet, the Lord, in his rebuke this morning reminded me, “it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it” (James 4:17). Ouch. But, he’s right. Have you ever noticed that he’s always right?

The words he used “checked out” have such deep meaning to me. I’m driven by destiny, by purpose. I get so excited living out my destiny and moving towards a goal and purpose. I love that kind of stuff. I would call myself a visionary. I can see what the future holds to those who are living out their calling.

So, the words this morning “checked out” were remarkably scary for me. I know that I am running this incredible race called “the human life”. And, it is a race. Paul often referred to this life of faith as a race:

    “Remember that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize. You also must run in such a way that you will win. All athletes practice strict self-control. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified” (1 Corinthians 9:24-27).

I love this scripture! Just love it! I must run in such a way that I will win. And, I must run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. This is all very powerful to me. So, when I heard, “Son, you’ve checked out,” it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that this little dark area of my soul that I haven’t completely surrendered to God could easily disqualify me from the race. It’s true! I have checked out, and I need to get back in.

If I’m not running towards the goal with purpose in every step, then why run at all?

This morning, I declare this over my life, “I’m checking in. I’m ready to run. I will focus on the goal at hand, and I will surrender to the Lord this little dark area of my soul.”

I’m reminded of a story I read in John’s Edredge’s book, “Waking the Dead”. He writes:

    When Spillane (The Perfect Storm) treats injured seamen offshore, one of the first things he evaluates is their degree of consciousness. The higher the level, known as ‘alert and oriented times four,’ describes almost everyone in an everyday situation. They know who they are, where they are, what time it is, and what’s just happened. If someone suffers a blow to the head, the first thing they lose is recent events–’alert times three’–and the last thing they lose is their identity. A person who has lost all levels of consciousness, right down to their identity, is said to be ‘alert and oriented times zero.’ When John Spillane wakes up in the water, he is alert and oriented times zero. His understanding of the world is reduced to the fact that he exists, nothing more. Almost simultaneously, he understands that he is in excruciating pain. For a long time, that is all he knows.

    John Spillane is a para-rescue jumper sent into the North Atlantic, into the worst storm of the twentieth century, the perfect storm, as the book and film called it, to rescue a fisherman lost at sea. When his helicopter goes down, he is forced to jump into pitch blackness from an unknown height, and when he hits the water, he’s going so fast it’s like hitting the pavement from eighty feet above. He is dazed and confused–just as we are when it comes to the story of our lives. It’s the perfect analogy. We have no idea who we really are, why we’re here, what’s supposed to happen to us, or why. Honestly, most days we are alert and oriented times zero.”

When I awoke, I was “alert and oriented times zero”. But, it’s time to start running the race again with purpose in every step. Today, I am “alert and oriented times four”. Today, I’m back in the race!

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The Mountain Path

August 1, 2008 · Filed Under purpose/destiny, spiritual hearing · Comment 

In the mid-90′s, when I was young in the faith and working in corporate America, I would often spend my lunches in this quiet conference room upstairs at our offices. It was such a special time in my journey with God. I would slam down a sandwich for lunch and then spend a good half hour or so just reading through the New Testament, praying, listening. I’d just hang out with my Dad. It was a wonderful season of intimacy with my Father.

On October 7, 1995, something amazing happened in that room. Something so amazing that I’m still walking in the fruit of that experience today, almost 13 years later.

Here is my journal entry from that day:

During my quiet time at work, I felt the Lord show me two different paths. Currently I was on a single path, but ahead of me, there was a fork in the path—one to the left and one to the right.

To the left, the path was flat and smooth. It was a simple path, an easy path. To the right, the path was mountainous with hills and valleys weaving their way across the undulating landscape. It looked both exciting and dangerous.

I asked the Lord what it was, and He said, “You have two paths ahead of you. One is fairly pleasant, but longer (the one to the left), and the other is a lot of work, but shorter (the one to the right).”

Then, I asked Him, “Lord, which one do you want me to take?” He said, “The right.” I asked, “Will you be with me all of the way?” He said, “Right next to you, all of the way.” I began to weep. “Lord, then to right we go…”

I asked Him to confirm that this was really Him speaking to me. Before I opened my eyes, He whispered, “Look at the third drawing in this room when you open your eyes.” As I opened my eyes and looked at the third drawing, there was a picture of a road leading up into the mountains. I had never seen this picture before. Surely, he was speaking to me.

Nothing changed for me that day, nor that year. In fact, I wasn’t really sure what I had agreed to, other than this was the path God wanted me to walk, so I trusted him.

Up to this point, I had been an engineer working for a Fortune 500 company. It was a day-to-day job, not very exciting nor rewarding. My passion for the corporate world started waning. I was hungry for something fresh, something new, something challenging. I started to sense that the mountain path was something new, fresh, dynamic, maybe even a bit risky. But, I was ready.

The next year, a friend of mine showed me some new media production software and told me to check it out. I did, and fell in love with this new tool that would allow me to create interactive media with music and sound and video. I was a kid in a candy shop. What fun! The following year, I started dabbling in video production and visual communications.

What I found buried deep in the desires of my heart was this passion to communicate through video and media. My father is a professional photographer, so I was around the visual arts as a kid. But, not desiring that his children become starving artists like himself, my dad suggested that me and my brother become engineers. So, we did.

But, engrained in my spiritual DNA were these desires to communicate through media. I think about Romans 11:29, “The gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” It was like God had shown me this mountain path to pique my adventuresome heart. And, even after making the choice, it was still only a seed, with no obvious fruit in sight. And slowly, like a pregnancy, the seed took shape growing inside of me as I learned about this new desire.

Top Pup MediaOver the years, this passion for media would finally come to fruition, and even today, I now own my own media production business. And as a reflection of that decision years ago, our business logo is a mountain representing the path God has sent me down. 

Another fruit of that decision is a movie that we produced last year called Fissure.

I think about where I was 13 years ago (an engineer stuck in a dead-end cubicle job) to a movie producer chasing his dreams.

Wow, what a journey!

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Welcome to my journey with God

July 27, 2008 · Filed Under general, purpose/destiny, spiritual hearing · Comment 

This is my story, my journey with God.  For many years, I have chronicled my walk with the Divine, and I want to take some time to share my experience with you.

Can we really commune with the Creator?  Can we hear his voice?  Deeper still, does he even care with what’s going on in our lives?

I think too many people, without knowing it, see a relationship with God like their relationship with their father–distant, disconnected, and unemotional.  For many, there is no real reference on what a perfect father/child relationship looks like.

Yet, he pursues us.  Woos us.  Draws us into an intimate walk with him.

What does that look like?  What is it like to “walk with God”?  Can we hear his voice?  Can we know his will.  Can we really understand what he is saying to us?

I think so.  I believe so.  He has guided my life so clearly, so wonderfully over the past few years.  Is my life perfect?  Uhh, no.  By no means, but I have experienced a touch from heaven, from God. I know that I’ve heard his voice.  And I know that he longs to speak to everyone of his children.

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