Freedom thru Forgiveness 7
Judgment is when our soul is shaped by another person’s shortcomings rather than the nature of God. It is the sin we are most likely to fall into when someone else has sinned against us.
“Judge not lest you also be judged”, Jesus said. This could be another opportunity for us to misinterpret the nature of God. He is not waiting behind the door to see if we judge others, so that He can nail us. Jesus is describing an aspect of reality that we need to be warned about. The word “judgment” which is used here carries the meaning of “limit”. The idea is that in our mind, or our emotions we lock someone into a way in which we see them. We limit them with our perceptions. When we do that, the limitation we impose with our soul is also imposed on our soul.
Have you ever been angry at someone for being…angry? Or how about the universal trap for all of us. The quickest route to become like our parents is to judge them and utter the words. “I’ll never be like my parents…“ The ways we limit others become the very limitations that impair us.
The thing or things that we judge in others is well on it’s way to being formed in the fabric of our own soul. “Judge not. lest you also be judged”, is a warning from Jesus. Do not allow the shortcomings of other people to mold you MORE than the Nature of God in you.
Here is the most important distinction we must make. Discerning the truth about someone is not judgment. We can recognize all manner of flaws, characteristics, habits, etc. and even accurately assess their condition. As long as our discernment is coupled with the heart of God toward that person, we have not slipped into judgment. Judgment is when you discern something about someone, and harden your heart because of and in response to what you discern. Now you have slipped into the sin of judgment. It will cripple you and it will shape your soul.
Forgiveness is what you do with the impact of sins committed against you. Judgment is the most likely sin you will fall into when someone sins against you.
Guard your heart above all else…from it flow the issues of your life.
Freedom thru Forgiveness 6
Forgiving those who hurt you is for your restoration, not the restoration of the offender. Two particular persons you need to include on your forgiveness list. You and God
Forgiving yourself is very difficult for many people. They may have held resentment against themselves for years. Based on yesterday’s post, forgiveness is how you finally become released from the power of the pain of sins committed against you. This is especially true if you are the one who commiteed sins against yourself. Step back, agree with God about your past. God’s opinion is not that your behavior was acceptable, but that your behavior is covered and finishedand you are now acceptable..
Next on the forgiveness list is God. This one can be a little controversial. Someone reading may take up offense for God on this. Relax and keep reading, before you decide to defend the Almighty. Let me begin by saying that God has never sinned against anyone. It is essential to keep in mind though, that according to 2 Corinthians 10, strongholds, patterns of untrue thinking, are directed against our knowledge of God. At some time in our life it is highly likely that we have held a resentment against God because of our perception of events and our perception of God’s motives and actions. One of the most tragic events is when someone, because of the pain of their circumstances, builds a barrier between themselves and the only One who can heal them.
I have often seen people build theological constructs in their mind to avoid dealing with pain in their heart that they have attributed to God. Get real, get honest. He is not afraid of you.
Other Random Issues in Forgiveness:
It is not necessary for the other person to come to you and ask forgiveness. This is your gift to get free, and may not involve that person at all.
It is not necessary for you tell the other person you have forgiven them. Too many times I have seen new offense stirred up because of some compulsion to go to someone and say “I have forgiven you” Let me say again. Forgiving them is NOT ABOUT THEM. I have sat with numerous people who forgave deceased relatives. Forgiveness was for the release of the forgiver not the forgiven. The whole point is giving them over to God. Be done.
You might find it tempting to begin to excuse the behavior of the other person. Thoughts like, “It wasn’t that bad”, or, “they really didn’t mean it”. “They didn’t know better,” these and so many others seem to be a way that people begin to minimize the offense, and funtionally minimize their own pain. Remeber the point is NOT the other person but your restoration. So do not try to answer questions about the motive or capacity of the other. The question is “did it hurt”? If it hurt, forgiving them is to help you in your own restoration.
While I have mentioned that forgiveness is a healing process, God’s healing is not intended to be a substitute for the grieving process. Grieving is an ongoing process of God’s healing work that reflects the value of what was lost or damaged. If you lost a loved one, or a relationship, or a possesion, or a condition that was important, attempting to have no more pain at all about this loss, may rob you of the value of grieving. Jesus was a Man acquainted with grief. We should not run, or hide from it simply because we want to not hurt any more.
Grieving is the process of our souls adapting to a new and undesired circumstance. Allow the adaptation to happen.
The next post will be on the ugly cousin of resentment, Judgement. Often when we have need to forgive we also have need to deal with our judgements.
Freedom thru Forgiveness 5
Forgiveness: God’s Gift to allow you to be who He made you to be, in the face of real evil and real pain. What is it? What is our part? What is God’s part. The answers to these questions may open the door to your freedom. Forgiveness is a two part process, the first part, is yours. You do your part, and it connects you to the work that God already performed through Jesus on the cross. Let’s examine.
1. Your Part: You must make a CHOICE. The choice is this: You choose to live with the consequences of the other’s sin, and not charge it to their account. Did I mention that this is not easy. In some cases it may be the most difficult choice a human can make. Jesus made this choice in the Garden of Gesthemane the night before His crucifixion. This choice required such intense will-work, that the Son of God sweat drops of blood as He chose to take our sins upon Himself and not charge them to our account. Whe you make this difficult choice it accomplishes three important things on your behalf.
A. It gives you back your Mind: When you are angry at another, you give them real estate in your mind. Forgiving restores back to you posession of what you have given away. If you have ever wondered why it is difficult to control your thoughts, consider this; It is impossible to submit to God what you have already given to someone else.
B. It gives the offender Back to God: When you release them, you give them over to God for Him to work justice in their lives. Justice is not an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth. This approach simply results in a lot of blind toothless people. True justice is when wrong things are made right. God is better at this than you are.
C. It opens the door for Part two, God’s part of forgiveness: Healing your soul: When you give up the role of being your own healer, however futile it may have been, you make room for God to do what He does best. I am convinced that the restoration of our souls is the real goal of forgiveness. This allows us to be who we are created to be even when we have faced real evil or real pain.
2. God’s Part: The HEALING made available to us through the Cross of Jesus: Jesus died for the sins of the world. He died for your sins. Have you ever considered that He died for the sins committed against you? The day He died, He endured an onslaught of human pain. He was betrayed, abused, shamed, mocked, rejected, abandoned, and the list could go on. On that day, He earned the right to take not only your sins, but the sins that others have committed against you. He earned the right to take onto His own Being that which you were never designed to bear; the consequence of sin. You cannot give it to Him, until you take responsibility for what you do with these consequences. But you were never designed to bear this weight for the rest of your life.
The conversation would sound something like this:
God, I choose to forgive my father for abandoning our family. I choose today to live with the consequences of his sin, and not charge this sin to his account. But God, when he left us, I felt afraid. I felt abandoned. I felt rejected and alone. Would you take the pain from his sin, and lift it from me? Would you take this pain and put it on the cross, where it belongs? God thank you for yor willingness to take from me what I cannot bear.
Notice three parts to this prayer:
1. A choice: Not just a desire, a choice
2. An accounting: Name the sins you are forgiving.
3. An accoutning of the cost: Name the consequences you have borne. Fear. abandonment, etc. This is not done to rehearse again what you feel, but to acknowledge what you are giving to Jesus.
Next post, we will look at some important considerations in forgiving.
Freedom thru Forgiveness 4
In order to understand how forgiveness sets us free, we must recognize the trap that we are in. Forgiving another is not a rigid expectation of anger management; it is a divine healing.
When someone sins against you, the primary response, the first emotion, is not anger, it is pain or fear, or some combination of the two. Anger is always a secondary emotion, like a scab that grows over our pain. Think about pain and fear for a moment. When you strike your thumb with a hammer (pain) or someone jumps from behind a door to startle you (fear) your response is not to melt in the agony of the moment but to immediately respond with anger. The words that come from our mouth after the hammer blow are not about pain, they are expletives expressing the immediate and secondary emotion of anger.
Our anger comes without thought or intentional choice, it is an instinctive response. This is one of many examples of how our instincts do not always tell us the truth. Our instinct quickly convinces us that anger will do for us two things that anger was never designed to achieve.
We believe anger will bring justice to the life of the one who offended us, and healing to the pain this offender caused. While the Bible makes it clear in James chapter one (v.20) that the anger of man cannot achieve the righteousness of God, our instincts have yet to be enlightened.Because of this we allow our anger to operate, hoping it will balance the scale of justice and relieve us from the pain we bear, or the fear we carry.
When that well-meaning counselor tells us to forgive, we try to deal with the anger but not with the roots of the anger, our primary experience of pain and fear.
Now that we have a sense of the trap we are in when another person sins against us, let us examine how true forgiveness, the work of God through us, restores our soul and frees us at the roots of our anger. Next post will tell you the two parts of forgiveness and how to find relief in the cross from the painful experiences inflicted on us.
Freedom thru Forgiveness 3
I wish Jesus would have been more careful with some of His words. The irony is, I think He knew exactly what He was doing. Sometimes His language makes us wrestle with our picture of God. Listen to this.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)
Makes God seem kind of small and snippy doesn’t it? “If you don’t I’m not going to either!”
If we do not expand our understanding, our perspective will bring God down to our level, making Him seem small minded and argumentative. Not only will this be deceiving, it is very bad for our experience.
Here are two things we must understand to maintain an accurate picture of God in the face of this, and several other verses.
First, forgiveness is an act of God which we enter into when we choose to forgive. You will see as these posts continue, forgiveness was accomplished by God, through Jesus on the cross. We access the power of His act, when we use our will to forgive.
Second, Forgiveness came at a great price. We lose sight of this reality when we choose to not forgive. The parable in Matthew 18 where the servant chooses not to forgive a little after being forgiven a great deal illustrates this. Jesus even states that God will turn us over for torment when we don’t forgive.
God designed reality in such a way that when we choose not to allow His nature to work in us, it will be difficult, even painful for us. This is not punishment, this is assistance.
Tomorrow we will begin to describe the healing choice of forgiveness.
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