Freedom thru Forgiveness 2
From BobHamp.com
So it happens. The fallen-ness of our world does its work, and someone, somewhere hurts you. The assault begins to try to prevent you from allowing the Nature of your Creator and Redeemer to flow through you. Then you go to a pastor or christian counselor and they say the dreaded words. “You have to forgive…”
So we either begin to resist, or try to comply. Resistance comes from a variety of misunderstandings, and if compliance comes without understanding we may try to forgive and wonder why we still start to twitch when we see “that woman” at the grocery store.
I would like to give a clear description and process to help you receive and enjoy the gift of forgiveness. But before I do that, I need to address a few misconceptions. Below are five things that forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not:
- Denial: Denial is the demonstration of this most unusual human trait: We can lie to ourselves and actually believe it. Denial is not just minimizing a thing, it is when people actually believe their own deception. I heard one radio guest say that denial is an acronym. Don’t Even No I Am Lyin’. Forgiveness is not lying to ourself about the offense or the intensity of the pain we feel.
- Repression: Repression is when we swallow our outward responses and bury them deeper in our soul or body. We take the pain we feel outwardly and push it down out of sight, and out of mind. All we have done is taken pain from our emotions and pressed it into our physiology. The most common issue we find when we pray for those with physical ailments is that they have harbored ongoing resentment, and often true forgiveness allows them to let go of the roots of anger and ultimately receive healing for a number of conditions. Forgiveness is not when we press down our pain because we think God doesn’t want us to show anger.
- Letting the Offender off the Hook: One of the greatest obstacles to people making the difficult choice to forgive is the fear that the offender will simply get away with their offense if we forgive. When we forgive we do not give up on justice, we give over the working of justice to God Himself. Though it is true that when we forgive, we turn the offender over to God for His version of Justice, this should not be our motive for for forgiving. When we forgive someone SO THAT God will bring justice to them, this s not forgiveness, we just hired a hit man. Forgiveness does not let the offender off the hook, it places them on God’s hook. Justice is not an eye for and eye or a tooth for a tooth, that just leads to a lot of blind toothless people. Justice is when wrong things are made right.
- Forgetting: Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending that the offense never happened. It is not the willingness to approach again the person who has wronged us. We may need to set boundaries and maintain safe distance. Wisdom demands that we acknowledge truth and danger. Forgiveness simply says we relate to the person out of love not out of resentment. Boundaries are a legitimate form of love.
- Being a Doormat: Confrontation is also a legitimate form of love. We reguarly see God in the Old Testament, and Jesus in the New Testament have confrontations in order to right things that are wrong. Forgiveness is not simply allowing unrighteousness to persist, it is the assurance that our confrontations can issue forth from love not rage.
Once we understand what forgiveness is not, we will hopefully find it easier to enter into what forgiveness is. Stay tuned.
Freedom thru Forgiveness 1
God’s job description is to cover the entire creation with His nature. His chosen strategy is you and I. By placing His nature in us and allowing us to re-present Him in the geography we inhabit, God is fulfilling His mission, and expressing His love to us simultaneously.
I start here with every stronghold I address because we must know that our freedom is first about the Kingdom of God, and second, about us. We benefit from God being committed to His job description, in the same way we benefit from the sun being at the center of the Solar System. Our freedom is an outgrowth of God’s absolute commitment to His mission. If He actually put us first, the whole system would implode. Putting us second is the most loving and generous thing God can do for us. His first priority is Being Himself, the only thing that could ever actually allow us to be ourselves.
Having set this foundation in place, it is important then to recognize that the God whose nature we carry does not love conditionally, and His emotions are not subject to anyone else’s behavior. If they were, He would cease to be God. No one can make God cease being Love. In the face of evil, injustice and pain, God stays absolutely true to His nature.
Forgiveness, our forgiveness of those who have wronged us, is not some requirement we face in order to fulfill a mandate to be good christians. Forgiveness is God’s gift to us to allow us to be fully ourselves (repositories of His Nature) in the face of evil, injustice and pain. Forgiveness is a gift that God gives us so that we might be able to be free, right now, in the middle of this still fallen world. It is a gift that allows us to continue to love and not have our well-being be subject to anyone else’s behavior.
The greatest obstacles to our receiving and using this gift are our misperceptions about forgiveness; what it is and what it is not. Over the next several posts, I want to help us all tap into one of the greatest gifts that God has given us. I hope you want this too.
No Regrets – the Power of Forgiveness
On September 28th, about 3 weeks ago, I got a call at 6am. My Father had unexpectedly passed away during the night in his sleep. He was 76 years old.
As the oldest son, I immediately packed up some clothes and made the four-hour drive home with my wife. I knew it was going to be a difficult week. So many emotions, so many things to do, so many tears to shed.
The drive was very numb… no radio, no music, very few spoken words. Just lots of thinking.
I remember thinking very clearly about my relationship with my dad. It was good, very good.
It wasn’t always good. When I was in high school and college, I had such an anger within myself, and I often focused it on my dad. It was totally misdirected. The enemy was relentless and obviously at work to destroy the father-son relationship. But, thankfully, when I was out of college and chasing after God, he showed me that my anger was wrong, misdirected and inaccurate. Over a period of a few months, God began to show me just how much my dad loved me and how hard he worked for me. The anger melted away and forgiveness flooded my heart. I wrote him a letter apologizing and telling him how much I appreciated him.
Everything changed in my relationship with my dad after that letter. We were closer. We hugged more. We talked more. I sought his advice on business decisions, artistic decision, personal decision. It was wonderful!
On the drive to San Marcos that morning, I remembered where our relationship was and where it had grown to, and the feeling of peace covered me like a blanket. I had no regrets. None. There were no, “I wish I would have said…” or “I wish we had done this…” No regrets. Everything I wanted to say and do, I did.
There is power in forgiveness… incredible power.
Over these past three weeks, people have been asking me how I’m doing. Sure, there’s pain, but honestly there is also peace. Yes, there’s grieving, loss, mourning and pain. But, there doesn’t have to be regret. Forgiveness is your choice.
These past few weeks, I’ve been encouraging those around me to make things right with everyone close to them. It’s healthy. It’s powerful. It’s commanded. Forgiveness is an incredible choice that can free you to live a full life. Someone said to me this week that our focus in this life needs to be “the 6 or 7 people who will be crying at your funeral… your family”.
I’m going to start a series of blog postings about the forgiveness and how we can find freedom through forgiveness.
Richard Lee “Dick” Pond passed away peacefully in his sleep Monday morning, September 28th in San Marcos, Texas. He was born on December 25, 1932 in Lubbock, Texas. Immediately after they were born, Dick and his identical twin, Donald Ritchie “Don”, were adopted by Virgil Lee Pond and Alice Irene “Betty” Rutherford Pond of Amarillo, Texas.
As a young boy, Dick delivered prescriptions on his bicycle, worked at a soda fountain and set pins at the local bowling alley to earn his lunch money. While in high school, Dick was the school photographer where his interest in photography began to grow. Immediately after high school graduation, Dick joined the Navy in 1951. He moved to Santa Barbara, California to study at the Brooks Institute of Photography where he was elected student body president. After graduating with honors, Dick moved to Minnesota where he worked for master photographers, Bob Pritchard and Everett Kroger.
While in Minnesota, Dick bought a golden retriever that he named “Rustler of the Red River”, or Rusty. After two short years of obedience training, Rusty obtained the highest level of recognition, a “Utility Degree (UD)”, which landed Dick and Rusty on the cover of “Dog World Magazine”. Over the course of 13 years, Dick and Rusty went on to win more than 90 awards.
In 1960, Dick moved to Gallup, New Mexico, to manage a photography studio for Helen Auble. Next door to the studio was a coffee shop that he would often frequent. There he met Paula Mary Ziak, a waitress who served him his coffee. On September 19, 1964, the two were married. Dick continued bowling, training dogs and became one of the most prominent photographers in the area. He photographed the Ladies International Basketball Championships in Gallup, and his work was used in the High School Girls’ Athletics basketball handbook. He won many photography awards.
While in Gallup, their first son, Russell Lee Pond, was born. Shortly after his birth, the new family followed friends Vi and Auvel Adcock to San Marcos, Texas where Dick launched his own photography business, Pond Studio, in November 1967. Their second son, Randy Lee Pond, was born three years later. The Pond family spent many summers camping at Canyon Lake, where they would fish, water ski, and enjoy time with friends.
Dick had the opportunity to indulge his entrepreneurial spirit. His photography business continued to flourish with countless school, wedding and family photos. He ran a dog obedience school called “Pond’s Canine College”. With his experience and skill as a dog trainer, he often coordinated and judged the dog relay races at Chilympiad, and taught obedience classes for the German Shepherd Dog Club of Austin. Dick also purchased property in Martindale where he rented and maintained five mobile homes for many years.
Dick was an avid bowler, and he participated in many local leagues, as well as state and national tournaments. He was the Bowling League and San Marcos Association president for many years. Dick also enjoyed hunting and fishing.
In 1995, Dick closed Pond Studio and continued working as a photographer out of his home. He also spent much time working in his garden, and making beef jerky and sourdough bread for his friends. Dick rarely missed his morning and afternoon coffee with friends. He also enjoyed spending time on the computer, sending out his weekly “bull letter” to family and friends. Even after retirement, Dick loved his photography and continued taking pictures every chance he had.
Dick was preceded in death by his parents. He is survived by his wife of 45 years, Paula; son Russell Pond and his wife Angela of Euless, Texas; son Randy Pond and Teal Warren of Austin, Texas; his brother Donald Pond and his wife Betty of Centennial, Colorado; grandchildren Caleb Jeremiah Pond, Wyatt Cooper Pond and Hope Ivy Warren; niece Kathy and husband Matt Wagoner; great-nieces Anna and Evie Wagoner and cousins Ruby Mae Woods, Cody Elliott and son Cole, and Sharon Jones.
A good New Year’s Resolution
With 2009 just around the corner, a lot of people start talking about “New Year’s Resolutions”. It those promises we make to ourselves to, like:
- Lose weight
- Stop smoking
- Get out of debt
- Start exercising
- Go to church
- Drink less
Or, maybe it’s a time to set some personal goals, like:
- Write a book
- Run a marathon
- Make a short film
- Start painting
- Try sculpting
- Start an Internet business
- Go back to school
I’ve made many of these resolutions before, and I’ll probably make many of them again. But something has really got me jazzed about 2009. It’s going to be an exciting year! I believe we are incredibly ripe with opportunity for this coming year.
So, how do we move forward? What are some good, Godly new year’s resolutions? Where do I start?
I think the first, most important step is learning to look forward, not back. Your 2008 may be filled with mistakes, regret, discouragement, and failures. And, you want to enter into 2009 with hope, faith and strength. You can!
I came across this promise while running the Whiterock marathon two weeks ago. It was on the back of lady’s shirt as an encouragement to other runners. It simply said, “Forgetting what’s behind, I press on.”
I knew the scripture. I had read it before. So, this week, I pulled it up in my Bible program and read all of it:
I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven. (Philippians 3:12b-14)
I just love that. Here’s Paul–the writer of the New Testament, the most devoted of Jews, a follower of Christ to his death–and he writes, “I am still not all I should be.” He knows he hadn’t arrived. He wasn’t perfect. He was still working, moving, striving for the goal. So, what did he do?
He focused all his energy on this one thing–forgetting what was behind, and pressing on towards the goal.
This is my New Year’s Resolution: to forget about the mistakes, the failures, the sin, and the regrets from 2008 and focus on what Jesus wants me to be in 2009.
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